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I was bored and to show my love for goku/vegeta i drew this:

hope you like...


 
 
 
 
 
 
AHOY THERE MATEY!!!


Pirates 3 was awesometastical! However most people hated it but i loved it. However it was quite long and it could've been cut a bit shorter. *tear* w/e


Man times have been rough for me for this past bit. Not actually physically rough but mentaly. Like going to my phycotherapist has made me realise a lot about myself. And why i do things and how i act in certain given situations. Apparently i have existencial Guilt. Which is guilt for being born. And i've come to realise that when ever something good happens to me i always tend to think i don't deserve it, and when something bad happens i do. Like punishment. But this is automatic, a subcontious thing i always do. He's made me see a lot of connections i have to my past. I'm understanding my mentality better now. And my general phyci.

I also have a lot of contradictions in me. Like the ways i think or oppinions inside my head that consist of me v.s myself.
Looks a lot like this ....

This is Me with the glasses and Me again with the dark hair... Nice.
I've figured though that contradictions make a person's personality. Gives them their indevidual perspective.


MOVING ON!
Am i the only one that feels happy to hear her parent's stories of when they were young and when they got together. I mean my parent's story wasn't really romantic more like a comedic intrest between my mum and my dad's car. I mean it aparently was the only reason she dated him....OUCH. and they she used him soo much that she began to actually like him how sweet. *Holds sign that reads "AWWWWW"* BUT! There are moments when they into too much detail and just make you want to turn to canibalism and selfmutilation and eat your own foot.



ANYWAYS MOVING SWIFTLY ON

School is fine, all i'm doing for this past month is exams. Some that are 1 hour long to those that are bloody 10 hours long and need to be split between two days. *shudders* my art exams.
THESE ARE THE EXAMS I'VE DONE:

*Portuguese 1hour + 2hour + 45min
*ART 5hours + 5 hours
*English Literature 2 hours
*P.E 1hour + 45 min
*Media 1:30 hours + 1:30 hours

EXAMS I HAVE LEFT (oh goody -_-)

*2 science exams
*2 english language exams
*2 math exams
*1 statistics exam

woopie...

So i've been consumed by education. Bitten by the study bug.
I'm in a week break now so i've bought my brain a ticket to Cuba and it's there right now so my spelling is lacking and i'm to lazy to do the spell check thinggie.

On a totally different note that has little to do with what i was talking about...
I HATE COLOURING HOW CAN THIS KID LOOK SOO INTENSE WHEN DOING SOMETHING SO LAMEASS!


HOwever colouring on phoroshop is almost pleasant.
I did this one here recently, of majin vegeta. i draw it on paper. Then lost it and then re-drew it on photoshop and then pimped it out with colour! Hope you like it!




 
 
 
 
 
 

I have exams evry fucking day of this week. Oh great....

But i was bored today and drew this.

It's from that show Avatar, it's Prince Zuko. Nobody likes that show but me. Well w/e it's a great show! <3


 
 
 
 
 
 
I think I might have reached a whole new philosophical state of mind. I don't really care about the meaning of life or my role in it, because I don't believe there is one. I'm just starting to understand me better. I've started to value myself again. After the move from Canada, I became indifferent and uncaring with myself, ignoring my emotions to look strong and composed. 
As if to make all the changes that happened to my life seem like nothing, and look miniscule, when inside of me they were giants, stomping on my city called ‘Control’. I wanted to look perfect compared to everyone else in my year thinking it was the only way to get recognition and regain what I had, indulging myself in competition that I constantly long for. But I guess when your top in certain classes, what is there left? When there is no competition I feel a lack of motivation. So now I’m left feeling empty, not of loneliness but I still a void of that goal driven ambition I used to have. I still am very goal driven and ambitious, just not as much as I used to be. It's like I stepped into a cold shower and opened my eyes to how the world really looks, and how I don't like the colours. I understand my talent and skill yet I constantly feel like it’s not enough, like I will be overtaken, dominated, surpassed at any given moment; making me slightly paranoid, looking over my shoulder, making sure there is no one planning an overtaking.
It’s like feeling in control but knowing it’s nothing but a fantasy of times that have passed. Like when I held the reins to my horses. But the feeling is like slipping away and trying to grab anything in reach. Trying to grasp that last bit of hope, last bit of anything, everything. Holding on to the only thing I can and that is competition, and academic and creative talent.
 I’m always lonely, (the great out come of being an only child for a large part of my life,)it’s more of loneliness in a sense of doing things alone, but having tonnes of help, but not being able to access it. Not being able to use the help given due to pride. If someone were to help me I would feel in their debt. Like I owe them something, making an unbalanced relationship. Yet I’m surrounded by friends and family who care for me, yet I can’t reach out to them like there is a barrier. One that I use to protect them from how I reall feel. But i love them all so much, yet....
Sometimes I feel like I’m standing in between two dimensions, lingering in the middle. One dimension is where I have my thoughts and lock away who I am inside, and the other is who I am in public. A mask, but not like a person who is fake but someone who is showing only one side of them. Like I am deeper then I let off.  
Guilt eats away at my innards, as I think of things I’ve done wrong. Mistakes I have made, people I have let down, people I have forgotten and left aside. A guilt for thinking my problems are bad when many other people are going through worse. I feel like I am to blame for many things that have happened, or that never had the chance to happen because of me. Like I stopped time and made my parents linger in it along side of me as I grew and became, when they remained the same and gained nothing but wisdom. What is wisdom nowadays anyways? Who uses it? Who admires that? No one… anymore.
A man is worth how much money he has, this is true but I think it's wrong. But this is the word where dog eats dog, or human eats human. I hate this outlook but I would become a hypocrite if I said I didn't believe it too. One big competition, survival of the fittest. The weak get left behind. I can not and will not get left behind.
I’ve opened my hand of self pity but replaced it with blame. If I am not the victim I am the guilty. I was a catalyst in the reaction. Something chemical that you can not change back. A scar covering ancient wounds fought in battles long ago. But to let them go, to heal the scar is much harder then to make new ones. Then i have the shame of having self pity, a shame that becomes blame and guilt, turning in a vicious cycle.
I feel like I’ve come to know myself better, but I also feel like something is missing. A piece of the puzzle remains detached; lost in the dark caverns of my mind, hidden from all light, from my eye site, my reach. Lingering just beyond my fingertips, letting me fall deeper, yet bringing me higher to understand the contradictory personality that was lovingly (mistakenly) called Agatha.
I understand that sacrifices must be made for children to be born, and to be brought up. But was it worth it? I ask them without opening my mouth. As if to ask was a taboo. My palms begin to sweat slightly as I rub them together nervously as I ask, “why”.
“We don’t know why. It was an accident. But one we would never change…”
I bet they would. If Da Vinci were to have made a real time machine, and they were given the choice to hop in, would they? Would their lives have been better? Would they have been lawyers? Doctors? Teachers? Probably, but no thanks to me, they won’t… not anymore, not ever.
I smile politely, even if it’s not what I do in my head. I change the subject as if uninterested in the previouse one. Then leave the room.
I sit on my bed, staring at my laptop, it brainlessly stares back. I can’t do or say much but…
“Sorry I was born…”
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


SANDMAN SANDMAN


Sandman sandman help me to sleep.

I haven't slept for more then a week. 

 

Sandman sandman take me away,

Take me away from this day so grey.

 

To the castle in the sky,

Where you can't cheat or hate or lie.

 

Sandman sandman,

Get me the Boogieman.

He knows what I need,

He'll bring me up and put me down,

And then he'll watch me bleed.

 

He'll sit me in his thrown so high,

In that castle in the sky.

 

He'll watch as my tears flood the halls,

And the sounds of sobs bounce off the walls.

 

He'll be my friend; he'll sit and listen,

Pretending to care, his eyes will glisten.

 

Sandman sandman take me back home,

To that place where I am free to roam.

 

But where is this place?

This home I embrace?

 

From my memory my homes are erased,

My home, my happiness will soon be replaced.

 

Sandman sandman, please let me sleep,

Tonight I feel tired, and don't want to weep.

 

Let the Boogieman sleep under my bed,

I will give him a pillow to rest his head.

 

Sandman sandman, give me your sand,

Take me away from this nightmare land.

 

 

 

Hope you like this one, I wrote in about 20 min. So spare my soul if it's crap.

 
 
 
 
 
 


Revenge is Sweet

That has to be the least,

Attractive position I've seen you in.

On your knees begging for mercy.

You know that your begging is wasted upon me.

My merciful days are over, GONE!

No pity, no sympathy, no empathy.

 

And both you and I know whose fault that is…

Well don't we?

 

Why do you look at me as if confused?

Have you lost memory of what you have done?

Is this a sign of sudden amnesia?

Well I haven't forgotten.

 

Stop your crying.

I am the one who should shed those tears.

I haven't done anything.

Yet.

 

While you on the other hand, have done many things.

Many things that I didn't deserve to go through.

But thanks to you,

I did.

 

STOP! DON'T SHED ANOTHER TEAR.

It's pathetic.

There is no point anyway.

It's not like it's going to change anything.

You know that there is no other way.

 

Reconsider?

 

HA, now why would I do that?

Did you reconsider?

Speak louder you imbecile I can't hear you.

 

Louder…

 

 

Ahh… No.

 

If you didn't then why should I?

 

 

This one isn't as good as my other poems. But if you like then yay if you don't like then boohoo to you.

 

xxx

 
 
 
 
 
 



Island In My Head

 

I put my secret into a box and send if off to sea,

It sails away to that private place where all secrets should be.

 

Not visible by anyone, marooned all on it's own,

On an island in my mind, sitting all alone.

 

It's something you can't know, it's something hidden deep,

You would never understand, this something I must keep.

 

In the box are all the truths, and all my vulnerability,

If let out I would lose trust and all my sensibility.

 

The box should be closed with lock and key,

Tightly shut so it can't go free.

 

Not escaping to the mouths that spread,

But marooned on a beach on the island in my head.

 

 

 

Just a poem I wrote when feeling under the weather and under many other things. It's short and a little rubbish, but who really cares anyway. Well hope you like it. If you don't then w/e.

 
 
 
 
 
 



COLD COFFEE


The coffee is always,

Bland.

Never fresh, Never new.

Yet I drink it,

Everyday.

As if it cleanses my soul,

Of all my sins.

The taste lingers in my mouth,

On my tongue.




It is from seventeen years ago,

The paper,

That is…

Bringing back that,

Feeling.




I take another swing,

Like how I did then.

With her.

But now it's with coffee,

Going cold.




I'm reading,

Like it's the first time,

It happened.

I swallow the cleanser,

I swallow my sins,

Without hesitation.



I stand to pace the room.


My days have always been the same,

Since seventeen years ago.


The seclusion did me well,

I find myself a better person.

Just,

Better.




God has been watching me,

I can see him,

When I close my eyes.

He watches,

With different eyes.

Unlike the eyes that wanted me to fail.

Go over the edge.

Explode.





Now he watches,

As I climb out of Lucifer's Bed.

Originally seduced by him,

But now ashamed.





I sit on the floor,

The cold stone against my back.

I should feel guilty,

She was so young.

But,

I.

Do.

Not.




My head leans,

Against the metal bars.

I'm dieing,

But I understand.

With no regrets,

I remain.


Cadged,

Like the animal I am.















Dunno if it's good prob not. But hey, if you like it comment, if you think it'f rubbish, comment!





Cheeri-O





xxx


Agatha

 
 
 
 
 
 



HALLOWEEN


It's time for Halloween
For spooks unseen
For candy and sweets
No trick just treats

A time when the dead come alive.
Not one dead, but many...many plus five.
As they leave their empty tombs.
They see the witches mount their brooms.

They cackle and laugh as they fly into the sky.
Planning what to scare, to frighten and make cry.
Their pointy hats lopsided and black.
As they fly down to quickly attack.

Vampires remove the stakes from their hearts.
And walk around fulfilling their parts.
Alone in solitude their lives they have spent.
But always come out to see this event.

The werewolves come out to howl to the moon.
It might not be full but it sure will be soon.
They walk about up and down the street.
Stepping on toes with their big hairy feet.

Halloween is the day,
When the ghouls come and play.
It happens once every year,
When your fears appear.

The man under your bed.
The voice in your head.
The girl dripping red.
Your screaming in dread.

 
 
 
 
 
 


HITLER


There once was a guy named Hitler,

Who mopped around looking bitter.

He failed university,

Hated Jews and diversity.

To him the Jews were littler

 

His artwork didn’t go far,

So he spent his time at the bar.

But he didn’t drink beer,

Just sat with a sneer,

Hoping to someday go far.

 

So he made a group that hated the Jews,

They wore black ties and formal shoes.

They blamed the Jews for their lack of money,

They made rude jokes that weren’t very funny.

 

The government leader they planned to kill,

Promising Germany hope and free will.

But Hitler’s plans went terribly wrong,

He didn’t plan well his actions weren’t strong.

 

His failed attempt sent him to jail,

Where he wrote a book to tell his tale.

 But like his artwork it wasn’t well known,

It was a hard read and had a dull tone.

 

He wasn’t in jail for a very long time,

He spent three months repaying his crime.

But when he got out he was ready to fight,

He made killing Jews a German’s delight.

 

Of the country he gained control,

He was convincing fulfilling his role.

He brainwashed the people, he did it a lot,

But they were unsure of his greater plot.

 

But when they found out they just kept going.

The hate for the Jews growing and growing.

Life for them became cold and unfair,

Hate, unhappiness, disgrace, despair.

 

To the camps the all Jews were sent,

Where they were tortured, hurt with torment.

This was what Hitler had always planned out,

He wasn’t a nice man, now that was no doubt.

 

Hitler was the one, who began World War two,

A war of racism between the German and the Jew.




The Teacher

 

There once was a teacher who did nothing but yell

 

She’d yell all through class, right until the bell

 

She’d hate all her students, she thought they were dumb

 

But they were just children, depressing and glum

 

She never let them play, they just sat inside

 

They read about education, and its influence world wide

 

She never let them smile, laugh nor cry

 

She didn’t like emotions, and no one knew why

 

One day Timmy fell and scraped his knee

 

He cried in the bathroom, so she wouldn’t see

 

She caught him crying, his face wet with tears

 

She looked really angry, like his deepest fears

 

She yelled and she yelled and then she yelled some more

 

She was drowning him with spit, until a knock at the door

 

The teacher stopped yelling and reached for the knob

 

Then there stood the principal, Mr. Jamson McSlob

 

At Timmy’s teacher, he angrily glared down

 

His body wore a suit and his face wore a frown

 

He opened his mouth and said, “Please follow me.

 

Don’t ask any questions, just let this boy be.”

 

Timmy was left there, happily alone

 

“That woman was evil, right down to the bone.”

 

He went back to class, to spread the good news

 

The teacher was gone, along with their blues!



~ MỲ ĄňġӘĻ ~

I met an angel.

A fallen angel.

He asked for my help,

He reached for my hand.

But we were too distant.

Too far apart.

I couldn't reach him.

So deeper he fell.






Travelling

The plane lifts from the ground,

My ears popping,

I love this feeling,

Not my ears popping,

But,

The whole new world that I’ll see,

A different culture,

A different colour,

A different shape,

A different type of living

I’ll come back from the new world,

My plane will descend,

My ears popping,

I love this feeling,

Not my ears popping,

But,

Coming home.








If you like any of these feel free to comment. If you dislike any of these also feel free to comment. Thank you


xxx

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