Aggie the Angry

So i did this drawing

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 21:55:28 GMT

I was bored and to show my love for goku/vegeta i drew this:

hope you like...

AHOY THERE ARRRR

Wed, 30 May 2007 17:44:12 GMT

AHOY THERE MATEY!!!

Pirates 3 was awesometastical! However most people hated it but i loved it. However it was quite long and it could've been cut a bit shorter. *tear* w/e

Man times have been rough for me for this past bit. Not actually physically rough but mentaly. Like going to my phycotherapist has made me realise a lot about myself. And why i do things and how i act in certain given situations. Apparently i have existencial Guilt. Which is guilt for being born. And i've come to realise that when ever something good happens to me i always tend to think i don't deserve it, and when something bad happens i do. Like punishment. But this is automatic, a subcontious thing i always do. He's made me see a lot of connections i have to my past. I'm understanding my mentality better now. And my general phyci.

I also have a lot of contradictions in me. Like the ways i think or oppinions inside my head that consist of me v.s myself.
Looks a lot like this ....

This is Me with the glasses and Me again with the dark hair... Nice.
I've figured though that contradictions make a person's personality. Gives them their indevidual perspective.

MOVING ON!
Am i the only one that feels happy to hear her parent's stories of when they were young and when they got together. I mean my parent's story wasn't really romantic more like a comedic intrest between my mum and my dad's car. I mean it aparently was the only reason she dated him....OUCH. and they she used him soo much that she began to actually like him how sweet. *Holds sign that reads "AWWWWW"* BUT! There are moments when they into too much detail and just make you want to turn to canibalism and selfmutilation and eat your own foot.

ANYWAYS MOVING SWIFTLY ON

School is fine, all i'm doing for this past month is exams. Some that are 1 hour long to those that are bloody 10 hours long and need to be split between two days. *shudders* my art exams.
THESE ARE THE EXAMS I'VE DONE:

*Portuguese 1hour + 2hour + 45min
*ART 5hours + 5 hours
*English Literature 2 hours
*P.E 1hour + 45 min
*Media 1:30 hours + 1:30 hours

EXAMS I HAVE LEFT (oh goody -_-)

*2 science exams
*2 english language exams
*2 math exams
*1 statistics exam

woopie...

So i've been consumed by education. Bitten by the study bug.
I'm in a week break now so i've bought my brain a ticket to Cuba and it's there right now so my spelling is lacking and i'm to lazy to do the spell check thinggie.

On a totally different note that has little to do with what i was talking about...
I HATE COLOURING HOW CAN THIS KID LOOK SOO INTENSE WHEN DOING SOMETHING SO LAMEASS!

HOwever colouring on phoroshop is almost pleasant.
I did this one here recently, of majin vegeta. i draw it on paper. Then lost it and then re-drew it on photoshop and then pimped it out with colour! Hope you like it!

Well well well...

Sun, 20 May 2007 21:00:48 GMT

I have exams evry fucking day of this week. Oh great....

But i was bored today and drew this.

It's from that show Avatar, it's Prince Zuko. Nobody likes that show but me. Well w/e it's a great show! <3

Tralala....la

Thu, 17 May 2007 23:00:51 GMT

I think I might have reached a whole new philosophical state of mind. I don't really care about the meaning of life or my role in it, because I don't believe there is one. I'm just starting to understand me better. I've started to value myself again. After the move from Canada, I became indifferent and uncaring with myself, ignoring my emotions to look strong and composed.
As if to make all the changes that happened to my life seem like nothing, and look miniscule, when inside of me they were giants, stomping on my city called ‘Control’. I wanted to look perfect compared to everyone else in my year thinking it was the only way to get recognition and regain what I had, indulging myself in competition that I constantly long for. But I guess when your top in certain classes, what is there left? When there is no competition I feel a lack of motivation. So now I’m left feeling empty, not of loneliness but I still a void of that goal driven ambition I used to have. I still am very goal driven and ambitious, just not as much as I used to be. It's like I stepped into a cold shower and opened my eyes to how the world really looks, and how I don't like the colours. I understand my talent and skill yet I constantly feel like it’s not enough, like I will be overtaken, dominated, surpassed at any given moment; making me slightly paranoid, looking over my shoulder, making sure there is no one planning an overtaking.

It’s like feeling in control but knowing it’s nothing but a fantasy of times that have passed. Like when I held the reins to my horses. But the feeling is like slipping away and trying to grab anything in reach. Trying to grasp that last bit of hope, last bit of anything, everything. Holding on to the only thing I can and that is competition, and academic and creative talent.

I’m always lonely, (the great out come of being an only child for a large part of my life,)it’s more of loneliness in a sense of doing things alone, but having tonnes of help, but not being able to access it. Not being able to use the help given due to pride. If someone were to help me I would feel in their debt. Like I owe them something, making an unbalanced relationship. Yet I’m surrounded by friends and family who care for me, yet I can’t reach out to them like there is a barrier. One that I use to protect them from how I reall feel. But i love them all so much, yet....

Sometimes I feel like I’m standing in between two dimensions, lingering in the middle. One dimension is where I have my thoughts and lock away who I am inside, and the other is who I am in public. A mask, but not like a person who is fake but someone who is showing only one side of them. Like I am deeper then I let off.

Guilt eats away at my innards, as I think of things I’ve done wrong. Mistakes I have made, people I have let down, people I have forgotten and left aside. A guilt for thinking my problems are bad when many other people are going through worse. I feel like I am to blame for many things that have happened, or that never had the chance to happen because of me. Like I stopped time and made my parents linger in it along side of me as I grew and became, when they remained the same and gained nothing but wisdom. What is wisdom nowadays anyways? Who uses it? Who admires that? No one… anymore.

A man is worth how much money he has, this is true but I think it's wrong. But this is the word where dog eats dog, or human eats human. I hate this outlook but I would become a hypocrite if I said I didn't believe it too. One big competition, survival of the fittest. The weak get left behind. I can not and will not get left behind.

I’ve opened my hand of self pity but replaced it with blame. If I am not the victim I am the guilty. I was a catalyst in the reaction. Something chemical that you can not change back. A scar covering ancient wounds fought in battles long ago. But to let them go, to heal the scar is much harder then to make new ones. Then i have the shame of having self pity, a shame that becomes blame and guilt, turning in a vicious cycle.

I feel like I’ve come to know myself better, but I also feel like something is missing. A piece of the puzzle remains detached; lost in the dark caverns of my mind, hidden from all light, from my eye site, my reach. Lingering just beyond my fingertips, letting me fall deeper, yet bringing me higher to understand the contradictory personality that was lovingly (mistakenly) called Agatha.

I understand that sacrifices must be made for children to be born, and to be brought up. But was it worth it? I ask them without opening my mouth. As if to ask was a taboo. My palms begin to sweat slightly as I rub them together nervously as I ask, “why”.

“We don’t know why. It was an accident. But one we would never change…”

I bet they would. If Da Vinci were to have made a real time machine, and they were given the choice to hop in, would they? Would their lives have been better? Would they have been lawyers? Doctors? Teachers? Probably, but no thanks to me, they won’t… not anymore, not ever.

I smile politely, even if it’s not what I do in my head. I change the subject as if uninterested in the previouse one. Then leave the room.

I sit on my bed, staring at my laptop, it brainlessly stares back. I can’t do or say much but…

“Sorry I was born…”

SANDMAN SANDMAN

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 22:40:41 GMT

SANDMAN SANDMAN

Sandman sandman help me to sleep.

I haven't slept for more then a week.

Sandman sandman take me away,

Take me away from this day so grey.

To the castle in the sky,

Where you can't cheat or hate or lie.

Sandman sandman,

Get me the Boogieman.

He knows what I need,

He'll bring me up and put me down,

And then he'll watch me bleed.

He'll sit me in his thrown so high,

In that castle in the sky.

He'll watch as my tears flood the halls,

And the sounds of sobs bounce off the walls.

He'll be my friend; he'll sit and listen,

Pretending to care, his eyes will glisten.

Sandman sandman take me back home,

To that place where I am free to roam.

But where is this place?

This home I embrace?

From my memory my homes are erased,

My home, my happiness will soon be replaced.

Sandman sandman, please let me sleep,

Tonight I feel tired, and don't want to weep.

Let the Boogieman sleep under my bed,

I will give him a pillow to rest his head.

Sandman sandman, give me your sand,

Take me away from this nightmare land.

Hope you like this one, I wrote in about 20 min. So spare my soul if it's crap.

Revenge is sweet

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 22:36:37 GMT

Revenge is Sweet

That has to be the least,

Attractive position I've seen you in.

On your knees begging for mercy.

You know that your begging is wasted upon me.

My merciful days are over, GONE!

No pity, no sympathy, no empathy.

And both you and I know whose fault that is…

Well don't we?

Why do you look at me as if confused?

Have you lost memory of what you have done?

Is this a sign of sudden amnesia?

Well I haven't forgotten.

Stop your crying.

I am the one who should shed those tears.

I haven't done anything.

Yet.

While you on the other hand, have done many things.

Many things that I didn't deserve to go through.

But thanks to you,

I did.

STOP! DON'T SHED ANOTHER TEAR.

It's pathetic.

There is no point anyway.

It's not like it's going to change anything.

You know that there is no other way.

Reconsider?

HA, now why would I do that?

Did you reconsider?

Speak louder you imbecile I can't hear you.

Louder…

Ahh… No.

If you didn't then why should I?

This one isn't as good as my other poems. But if you like then yay if you don't like then boohoo to you.

xxx

Island in My head...

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 22:01:56 GMT

Island In My Head

I put my secret into a box and send if off to sea,

It sails away to that private place where all secrets should be.

Not visible by anyone, marooned all on it's own,

On an island in my mind, sitting all alone.

It's something you can't know, it's something hidden deep,

You would never understand, this something I must keep.

In the box are all the truths, and all my vulnerability,

If let out I would lose trust and all my sensibility.

The box should be closed with lock and key,

Tightly shut so it can't go free.

Not escaping to the mouths that spread,

But marooned on a beach on the island in my head.

Just a poem I wrote when feeling under the weather and under many other things. It's short and a little rubbish, but who really cares anyway. Well hope you like it. If you don't then w/e.

COLD COFFEE

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 21:58:44 GMT

COLD COFFEE

The coffee is always,

Bland.

Never fresh, Never new.

Yet I drink it,

Everyday.

As if it cleanses my soul,

Of all my sins.

The taste lingers in my mouth,

On my tongue.

It is from seventeen years ago,

The paper,

That is…

Bringing back that,

Feeling.

I take another swing,

Like how I did then.

With her.

But now it's with coffee,

Going cold.

I'm reading,

Like it's the first time,

It happened.

I swallow the cleanser,

I swallow my sins,

Without hesitation.

I stand to pace the room.

My days have always been the same,

Since seventeen years ago.

The seclusion did me well,

I find myself a better person.

Just,

Better.

God has been watching me,

I can see him,

When I close my eyes.

He watches,

With different eyes.

Unlike the eyes that wanted me to fail.

Go over the edge.

Explode.

Now he watches,

As I climb out of Lucifer's Bed.

Originally seduced by him,

But now ashamed.

I sit on the floor,

The cold stone against my back.

I should feel guilty,

She was so young.

But,

I.

Do.

Not.

My head leans,

Against the metal bars.

I'm dieing,

But I understand.

With no regrets,

I remain.

Cadged,

Like the animal I am.

Dunno if it's good prob not. But hey, if you like it comment, if you think it'f rubbish, comment!

Cheeri-O

xxx

Agatha

Now in Engalnd

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 22:14:06 GMT

Sorry everyone! Long time no chat! I've been really busy over here in the UK. Things are going well but are quite hard. I go to college next year so i have to start applying and what not. Which scares the shit out of me. But anyway, everything is fine, i'm okay and everything is in one piece. I'm really stressed out and feeling a bit under the weather but it'll pass... I hope.

I have exams coming up soon. I have exams from the 6th of December to the 20th of December. And there are some days of break in between the exams that i am taking. Obviously or our heads would explode.

The uniform is cool and stuff but is a bit too hot. I'm boiling in the blazer most of the time. But it's better then having to pick the clothes in the morning.

People at my school are okay, some are ass holes and most of homophobic and racist. The usual londoner teens. They are very unaccepting here, which i find very strange since it is the "Mother land" and the place that colonized practically everywhere. And with the different cultures and large quantity of immigrants here i would expect there to be little racism. London is also one of the places with the most gay people in the world, yet homophobia is quite high here. So lame.

Kids in class here are really bad! They are constantly talking and fighting and being violent. What i find strange is that the teachers here are a billion times stricter then the teachers over there yet the kids are insane. Very strange....

I miss my Canadian homies. You guys rock my socks.

OMG YAMINI IS GOING TO ANIME NORTH!!!! >_< YAMINI YOU LUCKY PENIS!

Here in England it isn't common to have anime conventions. And to get anime books and stuff is extremely difficult.... This has officially made the whole of england go down a few points. I mean, anime was like my life! And now i have nothing but Denis The Menace comics and all this lame stuff that is written over here.

There was an anime convention a few weeks ago over here, but none of my favorite anime artists will come ALL the way to the UK to have a chat with obsessive kids and adults alike.

Major bummer.

The music channel here sucks too... Much music actually played different stuff, but here it's the exact same videos OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN! I can't stand listening to Byonce's "To the left, to the left" again! And those idiots 'Girls aloud' with their LAME ASS SONG "something kinda ooh"! >_<

Well in general my life right now is about 5 out of 10. Not too bad considering how hard it all is right now. But i'm not going to sit here and feel sorry for myself! I'm going to do lots of work until my fingers fall of and get me A's in as many as 4 subjects! >_<

I hope Vanessa and Yamini are able to come to England. That would give me something to look forwards to in life! And i miss them and Ana C soo much. *my tears are crying*

I also miss my Rosedale homies! SHARMI! MARGY! HOLLY! MERLE! *tears* My homies!

I love you all!

Now i must go and finish an english essay that is staring me in the face. STOP STARING AT ME YOU CRAZY ENGLISH HOMEWORK!

My GoodBye Before Leaving For LONDON.

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 18:38:49 GMT

Hey everyone!

This is Agatha given you guys a shout!

I'm leaving Brazil to head for London England tomorrow (26th). It's going to be a VERY hard and irritating trip. I'm going to take a plane from Vitoria to Bello Horisonte. Then i'll have to get onto another plane from Bello Horisonte to Sao Paulo. And in Sao Paulo i will be on a plane heading for London. But because of a few problems with British Airways we have to take a plane company from Holland. So from Sao Paulo we will be going to Amsterdam then from there we will be off to London. *Finally*

As you can see the trip is EXTREAMLY long. I'm really not looking forwards to it. But i am excited to go to London.

I leave tomorrow (Tuesday) and arrive in London on Wednesday at 12 in the afternoon.

I have to go to an interview at my new school maybe even later that day. Or the next day.

And as soon as we get there we are all going to IKEA to buy cups, plates and the essentials for civilized human survival.

Then on Thursday i will be off to buy my uniform for school. Then hopefully by Friday or Monday i will be in school. This may come as a shock to society but i actually miss homework. I miss going to school and having to survive through boring information that i will never use again in life. I miss studying my head off, cramming for a test. *sigh*

Well....

Wish me luck guys!

I'm starting all over again....

But at least it's in London. And not in a place where my future would disintegrate to nothing due to lack of money, which would happen here in Brazil.

Well i won't have internet for a VERY long time so it'll be a while until you hear from me. But every chance i get i will update my livejournal and myspace. So subscribe to my blog and see what's up with me. And/or for those of you who have my live journal, check it once a month. At least something new will be in there.

Well this is my byebye to all my homies on my list! But only for a while. I will be back, so you can stop crying now. *hands a tissue* Here have a tissue...

I wish you all the best in school, work, or if your doing neither then i'll just wish you luck in finding school, or work, or just plane something to occupy yourself with.

BYEBYE!

LOVE YOU ALL!

LATERS!!

~AGATHA~

I´m in brazil!!!

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 15:18:29 GMT

hello everyone!

The plane ride here to brazil was sooo stressful. When we landed in sao paulo in Guarullios we had to take a 1 hour bus ride to the other air-port (Congonhas) to take a 1.5 hour flight to Victoria. The city i am writing this in right now. So in total i travelled 16.5 hours. -_-

But as soon as we got here in vicoria my auntie and uncle where there waiting for us! It was pretty awesome! That same night they took us to this crazy burger joint here in victoriaq where you mound abselutly everything on your burger.

Then for about 7 days we went to the beach and ate out and made very interesting but weird food at home! I thought that this was going to be really boring but it´s actually really fun!

I´ve tanned like no tomorrow, i´m about the colour of Brenda, for all of you that know here! Hi brenda! lol.

I´m at an internet cafe because at my uncle´s and auntie´s house there is no internet. Internet here in Brazil is very expensive and sometimes unrealiable. Even the internet cafe is expensive. R$1.00 for 10 min! >_< So yeah.

Brazil is a beautiful country but i have seen it´s unglies. So many small children in extrteam poverty. I went to a small carnival that they have every week end in the victoria, and i see many children begging for food and clothes, and some bargening with people to let them on a kiddie ride for cheaper. Something i´ve also noticed here is that clothes here are very expensive. Shirts are R$34.00-190.00, all pants are above R$60.00! For us R$(reais)60.00 is about 30.00 dollers so for me to go shopping here is cheep. But for the people who work here in brazil with a minimum wage salery they would have to work months to be able to buy that. I saw a father of three working in the carnival for minimum wage. Minimum wage here in Brazil is R$350.00 per month! How can a father of three sustain a family with R$350.00 per month?
My mum had told me to not let all the poverty and bad things bring me down. And i have to say that when i saw about 5 children, oldest about my age, and the rest around 7, 9, 10, in the traffic begging for money and selling candy, it really did bum me out.
I was on the bus and a small girl came up to me and asked if i wanted to buy her candy, i told her i had no moiney... which was true. She then gave me a paper that said (transalted): I am selling candy to help my family. I do not go to school, because i cannot afford it, and i have to work. Please give a helping hand. If not then, thank you for reading mym paper and have a safe trip and go with god.

That made me sad.

On a more positive note... we´ve gone to many beaches and the water colour here is that greenish aqua colour. The sand is light coloured and there are many seashells everywhere. There are little islands out at sea where you can swim to. it´s all very breath-takeing. A beauty unimaginable.

And i bought a computer game called fable! IT´S fikkin awesome!!!

Italy won the cup... i bet St. Clair is totally packed till today. lol. Poor you Vanessa, a never ending party while you try and sleep.
And congrats Yamini. *shakes fist* lol
I love you guys

OMG!!! I have 3 min and 40 seconds left! >_< AHHH

I miss you all! SOOOOOO MUCH!!! >_<

I´m having lost of fun hope you guys are too!!!

Love you all!

Byebye

-AGATHA-

P.S, I won´t be able to post or talk for a while, because of the lack of internet. so i´ll talk to you around end of august/ beginning of september!

Message Before the departure

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 03:44:21 GMT

The packing pretty much sucks. I feel so extreamly tired.
I've been having nothing but good-bye parties and those are never fun. They are fun untill the point where you have to leave. Where you look the poeple you love in the eye and try to convince them that everything will be okay. When you try to make them believe that you will see them once again. When you know your going to go. I tend not to cry at that specific moment, but when the information sinks in the tears would always come. At the end of every party i put on a smile and a hopefull outlook, but i know that it's nothing but a pointless mask i try to hide behind. Sometimes i don't even realize that i'm hiding. But i am. So later i cry with guilt, with sadness, with loss.

I thank you: Vanessa, Yamini, Ana Claudia, Patricia, Margaret, Merle, Sharmi, Holly, Shannon. You all prepared a good bye party to remember. The tears i shed for you are the most honest ones i have ever cried. It pains me to say good bye to you. It pains me to think that that'll be the last time i will see you for a long time. You are all very special to me and will not be forgotten. The times we shared were fun and quite weird at times but remember. They were weird in a good way. I will not find friends like you ever. Not in England or Brazil. I can't forget Eitan who is in isreal and camp. This message applies to you too. I love you all. And thank you once again. I am proud to say that you are my best friends.

And my family. It hurts to say good-bye to a bunch of people who were always there for me. For the happy times and the bad. I thank you for sticking by me. Your love and care does not go by unnoticed. I love you all. Canada was the first place where i got a true sence of family. Where everyone was united, no one was left out and the parties were great! lol. Thank you for helping me grow here in Canada and i shall continue to grow where ever i go, with the teachings you have given me and the wisdom you have passed. From the youngest member of the family to the oldest. I love you, and thank you. And Jason, you helped me through these hard times, thank you, i would've gone crazy. I love you.

You are all beautiful people inside and out. You've made my life in Canada a wonderfull experience. Thank you.

And Goodbye.

Lost of love,

Agatha

Brazil To England